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Drug Guide for Dummies 2001
by Tokyo Rico
ALCOHOL
When
camping in the desert, it's a good idea to drink lots of hard alcohol until you
feel nauseous. The liquor will kill undesirable bacteria in your stomach. You
will then vomit up that bacteria, possibly for several hours. This is normal,
and should be encouraged ÷ drinking more liquor will facilitate the process.
It's also a
good idea to be drunk on alcohol when choosing a sexual partner.
ECSTASY
When
dropping E, the important thing is to avoid
water and move quickly. This will
keep you as high as possible. You'll also notice that you want to touch
strangers. Do it! Especially if the stranger happens to be an exploding 50-foot
tall wooden man.
MUSHROOMS
These
delicious fungi should always be eaten plain, with nothing to mask their
exquisite flavour. Remember, everything you see on mushrooms is real. So, if a
ghostly beast descends from the sky and instructs you to run past the trash
fence and far out into the desert for miles and miles without food or water,
just do as you're told and run. Run!
ACID
A proper
dose of acid is usually between ten to fifteen tabs. Rule of thumb: the more,
the better. While under the influence, try to think about upsetting or unhappy
things: recent deaths in the family, personal failures, the frightening
voidlike emptiness of the universe. It's sure to enhance your trip. Oh, and if
you're still high after three hours, congratulations! You might never come down!
COCAINE
This
calming substance is just the thing if you want a smooth, mellow buzz that
lasts a long, long time. For an even more soothing experience, try cutting the
cocaine with scrubbing cleanser or your choice of powdered industrial solvent.
Then just kick back, relax, and let others do the talking.
NITROUS OXIDE
Nitrous
makes you want to shake that boo-tay, so grab a balloon full and get your ass
on the dance floor! If you fall down, don't worry ÷ you just haven't inhaled
enough nitrous. Nitrous is also the late-night driver's drug of choice ÷ for a
special high, turn your headlights off.
MARIJUANA
Just about
the only downside of pot is that, when you smoke it, the police are able to
read your mind. So keep far away from the police. One more thing: There are
lots of undercover cops at Burning Man. Some of your best friends may be the
police.
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