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Nineteen ways to seriously fuck your life up at Burning Man Develop skin cancer on over 85% of your body despite buying 45 SPF sunblock÷you're too baked to put it on. Contract Hepatitis A by eating unwashed strawberries offered to you by some cute, naked girl. Tell your campmates to "Chill out, dudes," when they discover you pouring the last five gallons of water over yourself in an effort to cool off. Drink the contents of two dozen glowsticks, in an effort to prove to your friends that they really are "non-toxic." Camp Kevorkian. Accept the glass of water offered to you at Camp Cholera. Sign up for "Viagrathon" at the Midlife Crisis Camp. Volunteer to help out with the midnight mystery performance art at Camp Angioplasty. Accidentally fall into a solar pit fire after taking a powerful muscle relaxant. Run pirate radio station K-ICE. Play Vanilla Ice recordings non-stop. Announce that Rave Camp will happen this year, and give directions to your camp. When ravers appear, play nothing but Madonna's Ray of Light album over and over and ... Attempt to dig an underground tunnel from Black Rock to Gerlach at Camp Chunnel. Take your brand-new, high-end video rig to the Burn on Sunday night. Boastloudly about the excellent footage you're going to get. Yell, "Get the fuck outta my way!" at anybody who wanders in front of your lens. When pulled over for speeding along Route 447, ask the officer if you can check out his gun. On Tuesday, wake up late and rush to take Muni, to get to your job at an investment brokerage in the Financial District ÷ without showering or changing out of your sarong. ÷ Drue Miller |
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